see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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