dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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