dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
honey bunches of taint.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
