i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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