Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
