Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
