The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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