Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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