Im at strip club and am horny
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
