i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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