I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
