this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
