if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she peed on how many people?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
