he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think I just sharted jello shots
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
