I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
