i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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