clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
