is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
