aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
