no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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