she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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