At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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