My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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