Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just found a bag of teeth...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
