I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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