My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
