I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
