mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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