i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
