Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
