dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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