he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
This toilet bowl is my home.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
