my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
