One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
