And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
