Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
