please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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