We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
