I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
