Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
