I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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