I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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