Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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