Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You were trust falling into bushes
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