he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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