We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
