His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
