I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
