I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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