I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
