i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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