First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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