I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
