I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
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