i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize