did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
