May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You pole danced in your parka.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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