I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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