I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
