Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
