yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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