I am spending my child support on dildos
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
