i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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