1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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