saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize