the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
