He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize