this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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