toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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