My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
