A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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