My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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