so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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