I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
