there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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