Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
