haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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