Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
