Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
