He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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