He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm getting married
To pizza
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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