She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
