He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
