She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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