Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
