Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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