i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
