Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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