That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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