I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
