You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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