I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
