you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
