I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize