I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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