nut hugger
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It's Friday. Sex?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
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