and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
