also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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