My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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