you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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