my vag is so smooth its legendary
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
