She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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